Deep Dark

This piece is about my greatest fear well actually my second greatest fear since I already blogged about my greatest fear which is failure anyway my second greatest fear I hear that when you happen to find yourself really deep in the ocean its so dark and disorientating you don't know which way is up, well that is my second greatest fear both literally and figuratively it continues from the theme of the last two i.e. Introspect a voyage into me (pause lmao)

So deep boundaries blur no sun no stars to seek I don't know if I'm swimming up or down/ The pressure helps me get my bearings in this case I know I'm on course when I feel it bearing down/ alls inverse when I'm immersed in the flow I know its right when I see em frown like I'm down under shits all upside down/ I know I'm headed up when their faces salty they wanna see me dead see(sea) they wanna see me drown/ I ain't flamboyant yet I stay fly I mean I float without the gas just float on salt I'm buoyant/ and I jot forethought the whole verse chilli hot and cold quote unquote the critiques thoughts, is the boy's clairvoyant/ back to the point this the tip of an iceberg y'all can't begin to imagine how deep/ so deep it scares me its dark and lonely aint sure I'll ever find my way tryna get my way and keep it/ so I plan it out draw a map hope its right hope im headed up and stash it in my back pocket/ searching this like a treasure quest aint sure where I'm headed yet on my way collect the missing pieces I aint whole yet like em half heart lockets/

Write my wrongs

I write my thoughts freedom of expression that's my right, right? Or am I just wrong?

Some times they happen to be the most vain and narcissistic thoughts I've ever seen jotted but atleast I'm true to me right?

Case in point the piece below let me write my wrong, ain't really that they're below me, just like the baggies I used to rock it don't feel right the fits all wrong

And no I don't wanna be alone I just figure unlike most with no dysmorph I've seen who stares back when I look in the mirror, and the girls I've come across don't fit that dude right

Shit half of them don't even begin to understand the shit I write don't even start to see the light or understand dude and that's part of the job description right? Or am I still wrong?

Or maybe I'm alone because even though beneath it all my waters run deep the surface stay shallow no hal plus I'm vain a know it all and I figure girl just ain't a good look, that ain't right

End of the day whether I'm right or wrong i'll still write it to me that shows a level of self-consciousness I am yet to see in the females I've come across the ability to stare in the mirror and not flinch whether you like what you see or not. Lord knows and I'll admit it maybe I'm still wrong

Lone wolf

Thugs get lonely too and I ain even that, odd how those who feel me ain't on my level how do you even that??

Feel em and they put bullshit on my plate how dare she try to feed me that??

Think I ain see what's right before me so the jerks the precedence I set patronize me fuck I look like a bat??

So i ain date at all no not in this age come off so cold heart froze over stay on my ice age but momma claim i shouldn't be alone at my age

So i gives em a chance but still i stay on edge least they run off with the whole arm when i let em kiss the ring lol

No pimpin i ain't that either but they do come over when i gestures to come hither get company when i need a breather

Company when i need space an escape from my lonesome when the voices in my head get too loud and i start to loathe them